Friday, August 28, 2009

If it Makes You Feel Any Better

All right. I drew a very nice version of this yesterday, and then my computer froze and I lost the whole thing. So, here's a lame, ugly, 2-minute recreation for you.

My point is this: When someone's having a tough time, and you say, "If it makes you feel any better..." you should stop, and punch yourself in the throat because NO MATTER WHAT, telling someone about your problems doesn't make them feel better. It just doesn't. Maybe you have the best intentions and you want to help them put things in perspective, but you fail. Just stop it.

If anything, it just adds to the pain. "Oh, you have pain? Here's some of my pain to think about." Don't do that!

Thank you.

Tuesday, August 25, 2009

Wake Up!

So often, after I read an article or watch a video online, I'll check out the comments section and someone will admonish me-- the benighted reader-- to "Wake Up!" implying that I'm a slumbering infant, and that the commenter has an advanced awareness of what's really happening.

Oh, the anxiety this causes! What is it that I don't know??? How am I being taken advantage of? How did I come to be such an ignoramus? It's a shame that they never actually give any information that would help anyone "Wake Up."

Maybe they feel superior at being Awakened, while the rest of us slumber all comatose and helpless. Maybe they imagine themselves to be modern-day Paul Reveres, warning us all of impending danger. Or, maybe they are actually agents of the Illuminati using the power of suggestion to paralyze our minds with paranoia in order to keep us feeling uneasy and at the mercy of some nameless menace!

That's it! They're softening up our brains with black magic that they might one day enslave us by offering solutions, and protection, and guidance... Oh, I'm onto their little game, all right!
I'll defeat them, I tell you! I'll...I'll...Well, first I'll take a nap. ZZZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzz....

Wednesday, August 12, 2009


I've been unblogging lately. Part of it is that I went to Las Vegas over the weekend. Part of it is something else. Who knows what?

Wednesday, August 05, 2009


Passerby: "Dude, your head's on fire!"

Me: "No no, I'm sure it's just some kind of metaphor."

Tuesday, August 04, 2009

Send in the...

I was thinking, as I sometimes do, about the nature of "kidding." Often, when one wants to say something cruel or socially unacceptable they cloak it in a "joke," and that makes it OK. Clowns operate in that way. Viruses do, too.

Viruses can only pass through the body's defenses by wearing a protein coat (or something like that). It fools the body into thinking, "Oh, this guy's OK. He's just a plain ol' protein thingy." Then, when the little bastard gets in, it delivers its payload and WHAM! You're in big trouble.

That's all I have to say, dummy. Just kidding! Ha Ha! I was only joking when I called you a dummy! Have a good laugh at your own expense, buddy!